The Definitive Guide to Deliciously Acquire Diabetes on Campus

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#5 – Brittany’s Healthy Cookies

First of all, these things are delicious and filling.  Nuts, berries, chocolate chips, sugar, molasses, and raisins.  Nom.  Note: coma-inducing.

#4 – 2 Cereal Drums and 16oz Milk

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I’ll admit this is my go-to dose of glucose.  I’m writing this and consuming both Apple Jacks and Frosted Flakes with 1.5% Oakhurst and I tell you, it looks like a mess.  Start with 4 items (+spoon), fumbling your way into 106 with it all in tow is even more difficult when you consider I’ll buy my coffee at the same time (+1).  Spread it all out and proceed.  Pour less than half the milk in for floating cereal (like Jacks) and allow it to seep slightly.  Consume this at the right level of milk infiltration and you are invincible.  Until, of course, you’ve finished it all, stacked your drums, and feel like you could test positive for an abdominal fluid wave.

#3 – Rice Krispie Treats

By observation alone, this might be our class’ favorite afternoon glucose dose.  I spy three, Group B.

#2 – Cinnamon Roll

This is an obvious selection to the Hb1Ac Hall of Fame.  These things are smothered, covered, and coveted by a certain cult following here at school who have discovered the microwave.  When cold, this roll looks like its covered in thick, white oil paint.  When heated, its inner beauty is revealed and the sugar is equally distributed throughout its cinnamon-y invaginations.  Boomshakalaka.

#1 – Chocolate Chip Muffin

Child, please.  Thursday’s chocolate chip muffins, alone, are responsible for my continued enrollment here.  Without its fluffy, yet chip-dense core and crispy muffin top, I would be fifteen pounds lighter.  I would also be failing OMM.

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Honorable Mention – Coffee

Depends how you take it.  Duh

(Disclaimer – Diabetes is not a joke)

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