sam sauce?

remember these?

This actually still might come as a shock to some classmates but my last name isn’t Sauce. It’s been my Facebook name ever since I began my application to medical school and needed to change my name to something nonsequitur but something familiar (hint: it rhymes with my real name). Here’s a dumb story why I chose ‘sauce’.

I was 5 or 6 years old and finalllly able to take the bus. Totally pumped too, brand new year and brand new school. Got my new back to school duds on and extremely psyched about my new kicks, seen above. Reebok’s Pumps were friggin’ sweet. You could squeeze that silly basketball shaped button on the tongue and pump air into the walls of your shoe. So boss.

So I get on the bus. Looking around- every damn seat is taken. I awkwardly stumble across backpacks, slowly making my way back, not sure what to do.

“Yo kid, kid! Sit here man, sit with us!”

(ooo friends) I thought

Nope. Like a total sucker, I sat next to this kid and immediately, his buddy squashed me from across the aisle. Sandwiched there, they teased me relentlessly. They loved the Pumps, though. I was actually afraid they were going to take them at one point or another. They wanted to know my name and all sorts of things about me: if I played hockey (no), if I played football (no), if I was a dork (yes), etc etc…

I exit the bus that afternoon, having survived a second encounter with these ‘bullies’ (lol). I see my mom and by my first step off the bus I’m bawling. I run to her, arms out, Pumps pumpin’, and hug her like I’ve never hugged her and she concerned “Whats going on Sam, whats wrong?”

“They were teasing me on the bus and calling me names.”

“What names?”

“….Sam Sauce….” Mom laughed her ass off and walked me home.


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